FOR QUITE SOME TIME, interpersonal conflict and communication issues have been perceived and addressed almost exclusively as adversarial, isolated negative problems to resolve quickly for the advantage of the party the mediator or coach represents. And although in some cases that is successful in terms of negotiating surface gains and losses (financial and otherwise), the underlying causes of the conflict are often not deemed as relevant or necessary to explore. However, if the broader, deeper picture of what caused the challenges to erupt in the first place are not brought out in the open, the likelihood of these same problems rising again in another area of that person's life are high, and there is no opportunity for real growth, healthy empowerment, and lasting transformation to take place. When self-oriented and destructive patterns of behavior are not replaced by more civil, productive, inclusive and evolved ones, the inner and outer status quo continues. It's a no-brainer that conflict and communication issues will occur over and over again.
And yet, the fact is that most people fear and resist change and are highly defensive about their destructive and/or disempowering behaviors, even if their old bug-riddled internal operating system continues to make their lives either miserable and stress-filled – or causes them to become extremely disliked by others who are recipients of their disrespect, negligence, ignorance, selfishness and abuse. Neither framework of existence is conducive to health or happiness, but unless a person acknowledges their part in the problem, nothing can possibly change.
It is my strong conviction that it makes more sense to prevent conflict and communication problems from reaching explosive and painful levels than to try and fix them after they have happened - that is why I place a large portion of my focus on education, both in the public sector and in the workplace, as well as a private coach, author and columnist. But it is simply not realistic to expect to teach everyone before they come face-to-face with these types of life challenges, so when I am asked to help resolve a challenge that has occurred, teaching new mindfulness-based skills has to be placed within the demands of the conflict at hand. This can only occur if there is a willingness by both sides to non-defensively acknowledge their part in the conflict equation and to try a new approach to finding agreements that can satisfy their needs and wants as well as of those they are in conflict with. By bringing the practice of mindfulness onto the table when mediating challenges between opposing parties, interpersonal conflict and communication issues can be framed as transformative opportunities, which can be resolved in a way that acknowledges, educates and energizes both sides - as well as creating new neural pathways that will help them effectively approach all matters of conflict that come up in the future, regardless of the situation. Since lasting transformation within the brain doesn't occur instantaneously upon our first exposure to new skills and ways of behaving, repetition is absolutely imperative to re-mind and re-wire our brains.
RESOLVING CONFLICTS IN THE WORKPLACE
Mediation as an alternative to litigation to resolve workplace conflict is rapidly gaining favor.
From an August 2008 article on mediate.com titled "Business Mediation:A Better Way To Resolve Workplace Conflict", attorney Marta J. Papa writes:
"Business mediation can be used to resolve both internal and external conflict. More often than not, the source of the conflict stems from parties feeling they are not heard, not appreciated, or misunderstood. The mediator is a neutral observer who is not emotionally invested and can get through to the heart of the matter in order to open up discussions as to how to resolve the dispute. In mediation, the parties are voluntarily participating in the process and, as a result, fear and anxiety are greatly reduced. The neutral and safe environment that the mediator provides opens up the door to effective communication between the parties. A skilled mediator is trained to work through the emotionally charged atmosphere that often accompanies work related or business disputes. Often times, all that is required is a simple apology or slight change in company policy to make one or both parties happy with the outcome.
"Rather than resort to litigation where there is a clear winner and a clear loser, the mediator strives to guide the parties to work toward a resolution that is agreeable to everyone. In this way the mediator evens out the playing field and everyone walks away a winner in some respect. When mediation is successful, the parties leave the process feeling validated and satisfied. The changes to the inner workings of the business that come out of the mediation process will likely have far-reaching positive effects on the morale of employees, which can only better the business as a whole. Turning to a more positive method of dispute resolution demonstrates that the business is interested in fostering good communication and values its employees as well as the eventual consumer. While litigation provokes hostilities, mediation is based upon the ideals of respect and cooperation. Business owners recognize how important it is to foster this kind of feeling in the workplace.
"Another important draw to mediation is that it is a confidential way of resolving business related conflict. The parties are asked to sign confidentiality agreements and the inner workings of the business do not end up a matter of public record as they do in litigation. The protection of the parties’ right to privacy is a key factor to both the business and the aggrieved party and makes mediation an attractive choice." |
MINDFULNESS-BASED CONFLICT MEDIATION AND COMMUNICATION EDUCATION™ is an art, as well as a disciplined logical and intuitive process that assists others to resolve interpersonal conflicts and find a myriad of ways to become more humane human beings, towards others as well as towards themselves. It is my passion and focus to help all those I work with reach resolutions that work for them and to grow at the same time, and not simply impose my own will upon how I feel it should play out. It is not necessarily comfortable at times, as an individual's ego can have his or her buttons pushed left and right, but the process is always conducted in a mindful, and often humorous manner. If we cannot honestly and humbly acknowledge and laugh at our own human-ness and let go of any "me me me" dominating behaviors, it is very difficult to place ourselves in another person's shoes and to communicate humanity in our thoughts, choices, behaviors and activities. Without embracing authentic humanitarianism as a deliberate practice we happily work to improve upon in every moment, regardless of the scenario, we will forever look at the world in a way that continuously fosters discord and separation.
My mediation practice embodies a large degree of the model known as Transformative Conflict Mediation. For a comparison of how this model differs from mere problem solving methods, please read this article written by Heidi Burgess, co-director of The University of Colorado Conflict Information Consortium.
The hallmarks of my Mindfulness-Based approach toward interpersonal conflict and communication issues includes educating clients and students about the value of the following core principles:
Mutual respect, kindness, patience, healthy self-esteem, non-enablement, appropriate self-control, wise boundaries, positive coping skills, mindfulness meditation practices, humor, emotional and social intelligence, fearless inner strength, and last but not least, empathy and compassion.
FOR MORE INFORMATION ON MY CONFLICT MEDIATION SERVICES, as well as in-house training and coaching services, please send me an email with your complete contact information, or call me at 415-524-8121 and we can discuss your needs in depth. Thank you so much.
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